Daring Sets, Wicked Spikes … and That's Just the Players

The lewd, crude, and downright hilarious Outlaw crew returns for the all-new Xbox-exclusiveOutlaw Volleyball: Spike or Die. Publisher Simon & Schuster and developer Hypnotix present an Xbox Live-enabled volleyball game that lets up to four players take on any one of up to 16 crazy characters in competitive volleyball action. Outlaw Volleyball: Spike or Die, likeOutlaw Golf before it, uses the solid foundation of an intuitive and realistic sports simulation, then layers on over-the-top characters, raunchy humor, game-affecting brawls, and risqué graphics that have earned the latest Outlaw game a Mature rating.

The game starts you off with four volleyball players to choose from (as you progress through Outlaw Volleyball's 16 courts in single-player mode, you'll eventually unlock all 16 additional characters—well, unless you're a quitter or something). Here's a brief field guide to the Outlaw 'ballers you'll spot on your journey from Colon Avenue to Coney Isle and all the points in between. And, just to leave you a few titillating surprises, we haven't included everybody. Some things are worth the wait (at least, that's what Hypnotix told us).

Leon slams it.

Leon
A hard-serving hunk of original gangsta (or so he claims), Leon is at home on the volleyball court or the basketball court. He has one of the funniest victory cut-scene animations in recent videogame history. (You'll see the one we mean. It's sort of tricky to describe it on a "Rated E for Everyone" Web site.)

Lizzie
If there's one thing Outlaw Volleyball has over Outlaw Golf, it's a wider variety of lasciviously attired lady athletes of questionable morals, depicted with greatly improved character models and a complete disregard for politeness or gravity. Lizzie fills the long-vacant London gutter-punk slot on the Outlaw athlete roster. She's a fast and aggressive spiker who has her way with the boys, both on the court and off. She usually plays in her underwear for convenience, and she enjoys punching things.

Lizzie gives you a piece of her mind.

Shawnee
A statuesque athlete often attired in strips of buckskin, Shawnee (we're guessing) hails from a land of many lakes. A defensive powerhouse with a physique reminiscent of the Grand Tetons, Shawnee doesn't take losing well. She stomps around, dropping to her knees and driving her fists into the beach. So, losing is bad, but the losing animation is great … it's another one of those bizarre Xbox paradoxical causality loops.

El Suave
A magnificent creature, whose only equal can be found in a mirror, the Adonis known simply as El Suave makes the smooth transition from golfer to spiker and proves he can clear the net as ably as he can swing a club. El Suave, whose new character model makes him appear positively messianic, takes to the court in a variety of ensembles that all seem to have gone through one too many shrink cycles at the dry cleaners.

Suave's commentary is an office favorite; his complete devotion to his one true love—himself—outshines all other considerations and always generates memorable quotes. On the court, Suave is a well-balanced 'baller good for any player.

And the Rest …
Other new faces (and other pronounced features) bursting onto theOutlaw sports scene belong to spikers like the spicy, saucy, and unforgettable Donna Maroni; a completely disgusting hillbilly from Swampass, Ga. named Clem; and the Elvis-impersonating Kung-Fu enthusiast Doe Joe (get it?).

White trash duke out.

Golfers switching sports for a return to the Outlawseries include:

• The beefy homicidal inmate (and tattoo fan) Killer Miller, who hates volleyball, but enjoys the opportunity for random violence it offers;
• The two-fisted, hog-straddling trailer park queen Harley;
• Summer, the hardest working college student and amateur athlete in the adult entertainment industry;
• Wannabe hip-hopper Ice Trey; and of course …
• The aforementioned El Suave, who deserves mention once more, for is he not … El Suave?

The only way to see all 16 Outlaw Volleyball: Spike or Die players is to play the game. So, dust off your nastiest swimwear, leave your good taste back at the beach house, and get ready to Spike or Die. (Well, except you youngsters. You're not still reading, are you? Go on, play Rayman 3 or Finding Nemo or something. Nope, nothing to see here.)

By Ben Barker