| | The Xbox.com Halo 2 Super-Spoiler List
Welcome back to the internal mainframe architecture we call "Cory Values," where we don't let petty concerns like sleep or human contact keep us from the important things in life, like Halo® 2. Like you, we've played through the story mode multiple times (but are still having trouble finishing Legendary mode), marveled at the shocking new plot revelations of the single-player game, gaped in awe at the stunning graphics, and admired Cortana's new haircut, and we never say no to just one more Clan match on Xbox Live®.
The single-player game is packed with new info, and to help you keep track of it all we've assembled all the really important stuff into one, big, super-spoiler. Still looking to tie it all together? You have come to the right column, Sparky!
NOTE: In case we haven't been completely clear, if you fear spoilers, turn back now! There are SPOILERS (in case the name of this piece didn't clue you in) here and some are BIG. Go ahead, finish the game, then come back and join us for the reminiscin'. You'll be glad you did!
Okay, so here's what happens … 
The opening shot—look familiar?
The Big Stuff
The key plot points get a "spoilericity" rating on a scale of one to five, just in case you're doing the unthinkable and reading ahead instead of learning this information the hard way. One is something like "the Covenant invade Earth." Duh. We all know that, it's pretty much all that was known about the story (other than background from the novels) up until the game released. Five is something like—well, something big. This way, if you get cold feet halfway through and don't want to read the biggest spoilers, you have time to dodge them.
But, seriously, play the game first. Did I say that already? 
Earth is getting crowded, but not this 'Hog.
Rated One
What you think you know … - The Covenant arrive on Earth. Like I said, duh. What you don't know is, they land with a smaller force than expected, and only target one area. Odd, that.
- You get to dual-wield weapons. Another duh. But, not always with the same fists (I think I just spoiled my own spoiler—read ahead to see what that meant).
- Cortana got a haircut. Now this is news, but only rates a one since her haircut has nothing really to do with the story. But, I gotta say, as someone who's got an unnatural crush on that fictional holographic AI hottie, Corty's lookin' good. What's left a mystery is, why does an AI hologram get a haircut in the first place?
- Master Chief's got a new look. The Mark VI SPARTAN armor the Chief gets is much sharper than the original—and neatly explains the Chief's new abilities and visuals. No more HUD health bar to worry about; it's shields or nothing, baby.
- Yeah, that's Dave Cross. And, the comedian isn't the only celebrity voiceover star in Halo 2. Check the credits to see who else you're listening to.
They call her Commander Keyes. Or "sir."
Rated Two
Mostly casting news, some filler … - The Keyes family has a proud tradition of service. The late Captain has a daughter, and she's in command of the Earth ship that will get you to … a place I'll mention at level 3. Commander Miranda Keyes is a steely-eyed heroine just like her dad (all right, he wasn't a heroine exactly, but you get me), and she'll play a crucial role in the story's thrilling climax.
- Sergeant Johnson survived the first game. Yep, there he is riding along in the tram with you in the brilliant little Half-Life homage that starts off the Chief's story. How did he get out? It's not explained, but according to the novels he's basically got a condition that makes his blood immune to the Flood.
- The Covenant have got new aliens and vehicles.This news, which has been reported elsewhere, is only a two because the aliens and vehicles are so freakin' cool. The nigh-indomitable Brutes are like Wookiee-ogres, the skittering, flying "buggers" are just plain irritating (but blow up nicely), and some Elites now carry jet-packs. The alien vehicles include a Warthog analog along with Ghosts, Banshees, and the Wraith tanks, and all are pilot-able.
- You get to use the Covenant energy sword. Nowthat's interesting … wonder where you get that?
A Covenant Prophet.
Rated Three
You'll regret looking, but not so much you won't enjoy some surprises. - The Flood are back. You'll never guess where you first see them.
- There's a second Halo. And, more than that it seems, worse yet, they're all still accessible by some nutty Covenant religious whackjobs. Seems almost all the Covenant tech comes from the "Forerunners" that built the Halos in the first place. But, how does MC find it? Good question …
- You remember that first trailer? One of the best in-jokes in Halo 2 is how the footage we've all watched 89 quintillion times—the first Halo 2 trailer—is incorporated into the game. At least, it made me laugh. The scene is there, but it doesn't play out exactly as you remember. Instead of grabbing a rifle and leaping into space and onto a Covenant cruiser, Master Chief grabs something else—a big, fat, hairy bomb—and steers it in zero-G right into the drive engines of a Covenant cruiser. I almost wept.
Now that scene looks familiar …
Rated Four
Getting into the danger zone now. If you really don't want the big spoilers, start scrolling back up! - There's a civil war going on in the Covenant.A new (to gamers) race of Covenant, the Prophets—some Dark Crystal-looking baddies—are arguing amongst themselves over how to achieve the "Great Journey," which is what they think is going to happen when all the galaxy's Halos are set off. They revere the Halo-building Forerunners and consider our old friend Guilty Spark to be an Oracle of the gods. Two groups within the Covenant - Brutes and Jackals vs. Elites and Gruntsare split down the middle. What do you care? Indeed … (look, are you getting this yet?)
- There's more to the Flood than parasites.Well, maybe. In truth, it's hard to say, as it appears many elements of the overall arc are being kept mysterious for the likely Halo 3. It sure appears to me that there's a big boss of the Flood deep beneath the Halo, but who knows, he might have been a Forerunner in the flesh. One thing's for sure, he looks disturbingly like Audrey II from Little Shop of Horrors.
- Master Chief and Cortana get separated. And, if I were a bettin' man, which I am, I'd bet they don't hook up again any time soon.
- 343 Guilty Spark is God. Okay, not exactly, but the Covenant—even the leaders—revere the floating ball of disdain as the Oracle of their religion. But, Sparky isn't the only ancient AI construct that will appear this time around—might 343 turn out to actually be a force for good? Right.
Sergeant Johnson is back—but how?
Rated Five
After you read this, we'll be nuking the site from orbit. Only way to be sure. - You're not just Master Chief! The game opens not with our hero, but with the trial of the second major single-player character in Halo 2 - the Covenant Elite general that failed to protect the original Halo from being blasted to smithereens by MC and Corty. He's sentenced to torture and execution for his failure to protect one of the holy rings, but his death is put off for a while by one of the trio of Prophets that leads the alien alliance. The former general takes up the helmet of the Arbiter, a perfect counterpart to Master Chief in almost every way, and becomes the sword of the prophets. Your first Arbiter assignment is against other Covenant, but your next mission is actually the first re-appearance of the Flood in the sequel! Neat! The Arbiter is a match for the Chief in most respects, but instead of a flashlight, he gets roughly ten seconds of active camouflage that recharges over time. MC and the Arbiter also gain access to different weapons at different points, and both get robust, gripping storylines that overlap at just the right places.
- There's a team-up. But, not between who you think. The Chief and the Arbiter do meet in a cut-scene, but rather than pit two gamer-controlled protagonists against each other, they're each sent by an ancient Big Something on different jobs to help save the galaxy. The team-up part comes at the tail end of the Arbiter's story, when the Covenant hero teams up with—Sarge! The alien and Johnson (controlled by the CPU, of course) take control of a Covenant Scarab and rescue Commander Keyes just in time to stop the end of everything. Or, do they really make it in time?
- Cortana might just die! Okay, so maybe my irrational crush is what makes this a five, but when Cortana and the Chief part ways near the end—quite possibly for the final time - it's with the explicit understanding that to do what needs to be done, our girl will very likely need to sacrifice herself this time. At game's end, each one is alive, but on opposite sides of the galaxy. I probably need to get out more. Anyway, that talk of the ending brings me to …
- "To be continued? TO BE CON-FREAKIN-TINUED?!"That's a close, family-friendly version of what Ryan heard as I reached the credits of Halo 2 single-player in that cramped office at Bungie HQ and began screaming at the flat screen HDTV. Yes, the Arbiter's storyline comes to a more or less satisfying conclusion, but Cortana's fate is up in the air, that second Halo is still in one piece, and all of the other Halos are now on standby—just waiting for the word to go off and wipe out all life in the galaxy (thereby eliminating the Flood, which is the whole point, remember?). Most importantly, the last we see of Master Chief appears to be the beginning of the next level. You've just finished the Arbiter's storyline, and now it's time to take Master Chief back to Earth via the mad Prophet Truth's stolen Forerunner starship and kick some Covenant ass, right? RIGHT?!
Nope. That scene is it. The gameplay goes out on the high note of the Arbiter's last fight with a mortal nemesis, and the Chief is last seen heading back for presumably more Covenant-fragging action. His last line? "I'm finishing this fight." 
Green reticule, energy sword, violet HUD—wha—?
And, the waiting begins anew. Get here soon, Halo 3.
Join us again next time, when we reveal the name of Master Chief's sled. It's "Trigger." By Cory Herndon
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