Rage of Aquarius

It's the sixties, man. The grays have landed—again—and this time they're groovy. In this second installation of the franchise, Destroy All Humans!™ 2, the aliens return for another round of human-bashing, and you're one of them. A human-bashing alien, that is. In this game for one or two players, it's you—or you and a buddy—against the world.

The dawning of the Rage of Aquarius.

Peace is for Wusses
It's their brains you want, of course. Unfortunately, you land in Bay City during the height of the era of flower power. Everyone's brains are fried! You have no use for fried brains. You like them raw and unprocessed. Fortunately, it doesn't take long for you to realize that there's one stupid ape behind the frying of all these brains.

Coyote Bongwater has been distributing fruit-flavored Revelade, his very own special recipe, to his dirty hippie friends, turning them all into peaceniks who prefer flower arranging over mass destruction. Yuck! Now, he's ready to take the next step and drop his Revelade into the bay and fry all the brains on the West Coast. Of course, today Bay City, tomorrow the world. Foil his evil plot or these earthlings will become useless as food, and your own evil plot will fail. That must not be allowed to happen. Cue evil laugh with hand twisting.

Once they're in their Free Love groove, walk right
up to them and dive in. Voila. Human suit.

Infiltrate the Apes
As the alien invader Cryptosporidium, you have two paths to victory. You can be subtle. Or you can not be subtle. The subtle approach involves infiltrating the humans, most often done by snatching a body to inhabit. Possess the body and you can walk around undetected, looking, talking, and smelling (unfortunately) just like one of them. While possessing one, you can communicate with others. They accept your disguise and give you information you need to complete your mission.

The easiest way to body-snatch an earthling is to hit one with your Free Love beam. The Free Love beam eliminates your target's inhibitions. They get stupid and move their bodies in weird ways. Their eyes gloss over, and they develop affection for everything and everyone. Once they're in their Free Love groove, walk right up to them and dive in. Voila. Human suit.

If the van's a rockin' …

Make Friends
Whether you're wearing the latest fashion trend in human or not, you can still make the humans bow to your will. Hit them with a Protect beam, and make one human fight another. To protect you! The stubborn nature of humans is renowned through the galaxy, so why not use it to your advantage?

To learn more about your environment, perform cortex scans and eavesdrop on the thoughts of any hairless monkey within range. Get ready for things like, "Thank God this country has a young generation of narcissists to save it from itself." And, "Stupid hippies. Probably having fun right this second." Damn hippies and their fun.

Laugh at puny humans and their technology.

Destroy Everything
The second way to approach the game—and let's be honest, it's a hard one to resist—is to destroy everything. You want your damn brains, so do what it takes to get them. Bristling with alien weapons of awesome destructive power, bring the world to its knees. Why be subtle when you can make stuff explode?

Your space ship alone has weapons on it to dominate the foolish pink apes. The death ray, for example, is an old favorite. The traditional weapon of alien invasion, this red beam of death blasts through anything foolish enough to be in the way. Your ship also comes standard with a quantum destructor that flattens buildings, and a sonic boom gun that sends everything flying.

Meteors: First the dinosaurs, then the humans.

Destroy More Everything
Of course, you're going to spend more time on foot than in your ship, so your personal arsenal is even more impressive. The anal probe alone has caused entire nations to collapse. It's not a classic for nothing, you know.

You still have psychokenesis. With only the mighty power of your mind, move heavy human toys, hurl them around, and drop them on your pathetic enemies. If you get bored of that, feel free to call down a meteor, striking the earth with all the forces of the heavens. This may be a little shocking the first time you do it, but get used to leaving block-wide swathes of destruction in your wake.

You're as ready as you can be, Cryptosporidium. Teach those humans a lesson or two. We are the superior species. Show them that their foolish two-fingered peace sign can also be the V for Victory. Not their victory, mind you. Now, get out there and rustle us up some brains.

Article by Angel Leigh McCoy