Conker: New and Improved
By Angel Leigh McCoy
Conker T. Squirrel is back with all the bling a delinquent like him could possibly want. He cleans up real nice … but don’t panic. He’s still the nasty, stanky, screwball wretch he ever was, but now he’s dressed up in the industry’s sleekest video and audio technology.
Might that make him nastier? Stankier? More screwball than ever before? Well, as a matter of fact, yes. Imagine Conker’s trademark belches in Dolby® Surround Sound, and you’ll know my joy. Imagine rivers of sewage flowing and swirling with some of the greatest video rendering you’ve ever seen. Ah, it warms the heart, doesn’t it?
Funny how a baby can ruin your day.
New Cut Scenes
Did you play Conker's: Bad Fur Day in its previous incarnation on the Nintendo® N64? If you didn’t, then I’m not talking to you, so bugger off. If you did, then you’re probably wondering why you’d buy the game again.
Sure, lots of folks are going to want it for the multiplayer and Xbox Live™ content. (Who can blame them? It takes war “tails” to a whole new level.) But, let’s not forget that those saucy blokes at Rare have also included Conker's: Bad Fur Day, the well-loved single-player game, with new and improved cut scenes and level expansions.
Expect surprises. Expect scenes to go differently than what you remember. Expect to be challenged—and love it.
Time to fixate. On the pretty graphics, that is.
What else? Let’s see. We’ve got a new learning curve. They say it’s more gradual, and they don’t mean it’s Conker for dummies. They mean you get better more natural-like, and that means you get the cherished “cool stuff” faster in the later levels. This is a good thing. You’ll see. More furkin’ toys mean more furkin’ fun for all.
Audio
Remember Conker’s cute, squirrelly flatulence? How could you forget? Well, in Dolby® Digital 5.1, it’s anything but flat. It’s full-bodied and ripe, ripping through your aural membranes. It will have you rolling in pain and pleasure on the floor in front of your television. It’s true.
Rare has remastered the audio of Conker's: Bad Fur Day in order to bring out all the nuances of nastiness that you might have missed when you were playing the original release of the game.
The rootin’-tootin’ music will have your toes tapping, while the dulcet tones of the most well-endowed flower ever known to mankind (or squirrelkind, for that matter) will have you wrapped around her little stigma.
Sproings now sound like sproings and screams like screams. And, there’s nothing quite so squish-elicious as the sound Conker makes when he falls from on high.
Goosebumps + fur = bushy tail.
Video
Rare brushed off the dust and carefully put the tech back in Technicolor for Conker’s revival. They’ve brightened and sharpened the colors in the game, all the better to see the blood splattered on the walls.
They’ve also added detailing that’s only possible with Xbox®. Conker’s fur blows softly (if I dare say it, sexily) in the breeze. The wooden tables in the bar look solid enough to knock on for luck. For that matter, Daisy’s knockers look mighty solid, too—solid enough to stand on, as a plucky little squirrel just might.
In other words, Rare brought the graphics on Conker: Bad Fur Day up to 2005 standards. The third dimension transcends the screen, deep and multi-layered. This is the kind of quality you’ve come to expect from those brilliant slaggers at Rare.
Between the graphics, the audio, and the added scenes, you’ll find this new-and-improved version of Conker: Bad Fur Day, a welcome addition to the Live and Reloaded set. On those cold, lonely nights (whether you and Conker are tickling the busty brown-eyed Susan or hunting tail for future use), you’ll be glad Rare included a single-player game.
Just remember, there’s no shame in single-playing. You really won’t go blind.
Comments about this article?
