Conker's Bad Fur Day: Help for the Hung-Over

By Beery Stein

Everyone needs a little help now and again—especially a hung-over squirrel. Granted, the original Conker's Bad Fur Day is more than four years old, and there are countless guides and walkthroughs on the Internet. We just thought we'd help you avoid becoming road kill on the Information Superhighway, plus, we think you'll find a few twists here that you won't see in any of those old sources. Read on!

Scaredy Birdy
After a heart-wrenching cutscene, Conker stumbles down a garbage-ridden road to Birdy, a sleeping scarecrow guarding a barren pumpkin patch. Amidst a maelstrom of flatulence, Birdy tells you to use the B button for context-sensitive actions.

This scarecrow has a few lessons for Conker.

Walk into the pumpkin patch, stand on the large B and test your new skills by pressing the B button to produce a bottle of booze, which is delightfully swiped from your hand by Birdy.

Trudge over to another large B pad just outside the pumpkin patch. Press the B button to produce some bicarbonate and drink it, curing Conker's hangover. (Conker then explains that context-sensitive areas provide just what he needs at the right time, but you figured that out, didn't you?)

Panhandled
Now that Conker is clean and sober, jump into the stream and swim to the nearby islet. Press the A button to hop out of the water and onto land. You're about to learn to crawl, jump, and helicopter-jump, so pay close attention.

Jog, jump, and helicopter your way up the spiral path until you arrive in front of a lever. Jump and hold onto the lever, which opens a previously locked door. Talk to the imposing stone guardian on the bridge to hear his sob story about gothic architecture "up his arse."

Retrace your steps down the hill and enter the unlocked doorway to find a screaming key frantically bouncing around a kitchen. Chase the key and press the B button to capture it. After several unsuccessful attempts, Conker grabs a frying pan from the tool rack and some armored thugs appear, one of which swallows the key.

Thump these guards but watch out for their spikes.

Club the three goons with your culinary bludgeon. It takes six solid hits per enemy before they explode in a mess of wood, metal, and guts. Be careful—in addition to sporting protective armor, these foes release defensive spikes if you get too close. Hit your target once with the frying pan, and then back off to avoid getting damaged by the spikes. Repeat this process until each enemy is destroyed, then recover the key and unlock the door.

Thump the Guardian with your frying pan.

Gargoyle, Abridged
Return to the bridge and confront the gargoyle. Pull out the frying pan and bop him on the head. The frying pan won't harm the gargoyle, because "the designers decided to fool gamers into thinking this version of Conker is different than the original one." (Originally, the gargoyle fell off the bridge, but now he's not budging.)

Now Conker will pull out a spiked baseball bat and "clear the path" of the Gargoyle. The exit is still blocked, however, so jump onto the large boulder and helicopter-jump to the nearby platform to reach the nearest context-sensitive area. Press the B button and watch the magic unfold as our furry protagonist shows off his heavy demolition skills. Exit through the tunnel, and take a break.

Congratulations! You've made it through the training level.

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