Celebrity Interviews:

TriXie Interviews Larry Lovage

He's a frat boy, a smooth operator, and one sexy mofo. He's Larry Lovage, nephew to the world infamous Leisure Suit Larry, and star of the upcoming Leisure Suit Larry™: Magna Cum Laude. I spoke with Larry recently. He's actually kinda charming … and once in a while he even managed to look at my face while I was talking with him.

Ohhhh baby. Larry Lovage is the man.

TriXie: What's your major?

Larry: Performing Arts. It's my dream to become a great comedy hypnotist like Flip Orley or Dr. Naughty.

TriXie: Did your uncle Larry give you advice on women?

Larry: Still does, as a matter of fact. For example, did you know that just asking a prostitute how much she charges is considered solicitation? You don't even have to make an offer in order to be charged in most states. Incredible.

TriXie: That seems kinda harsh. Are there special tactics you use to pick up sorority girls?

Larry: As I mentioned earlier, my passion is comedy hypnotism, but I'm also a pretty good prop comic. If my frat's having a party, I'll always toss a few of my better gags into a small duffel bag that I carry around with me at all times. They're great icebreakers and can really help separate you from the crowd.

TriXie: Would you rather date a Phys Ed major or a Pre-Med chick?

Larry: Getting a physical at the student health center is a crapshoot. Sometimes it's a dude who gently and carefully examines you for testicular cancer, and sometimes it's a chick. Phys Ed majors are more of a sure thing.

TriXie: Skanks. No offense, but you're not exactly Brad Pitt (or even William Pitt). How can a less than hot guy make up for his deficiencies?

Larry: Thankfully, science has solved this problem for us. There are a number of highly charged pheromone formulas on the market today that I would recommend: Liquid Magnet, Phero-mate, Primal Instinct. Feminists have been trying to keep these off the market for years, and with good reason! Some of them work almost too well.

TriXie: What kind of car do you drive?

Larry: Few people know this about me, but I'm a serious environmentalist. Yeah, I could drive a Porsche or whatever, but that's not me. Besides, there are a lot of hot chicks on the bus, and that's a captive audience. I try out a lot of my stand-up routines and prop comedy on the ol' number twelve.

TriXie: What actor should play you in a movie?

Larry: Peter North. He's the only one who could accurately portray a sex scene involving yours truly. I'm a big fan of his movies—er, at least the ones with chicks anyway. I stay away from his early stuff.

TriXie: Who's the hottest chick in video games?

Larry: Luba Licious managed to soak up enough of my spotlight to land a centerfold in Playboy's October issue. Now I wouldn't be so crass as to kiss and tell during an interview that will be read by millions, but I can tell you first-hand that nothing's airbrushed.

Is it cold in here?

TriXie: Who's hotter: Cameron Diaz, Angelina Jolie, or Halle Berry?

Larry: Excellent question. If you would've asked me before the summer of 2003, I might have had a tough time deciding. But I don't think anyone will disagree with me when I say that Charlie’s Angels 2: Full Throttle was not only a warm gift to summer audiences, but set a new standard for jaw breaking stunts, cheeky charm, and constant butt jiggling. There's way more potential there than in B.A.P.S. or the Tomb Raider series. Cameron all the way.

TriXie: J. Lo or Gwen?

Larry: Anyone can fish from the same stream as Puff Daddy, but the look on Gavin Rossdale's smug face when he finds out I dipped in his Kool-Aid is too priceless to pass up. Verdict: Gwen.

TriXie: Britney or Jessica Simpson?

Larry: Jessica is at the height of her career right now, and in my experience it's way easier to score with girls who are in the middle of a downward spiral. I mean c'mon, Fred Durst went there, how hard could it be? Britney.

TriXie: What's the most heinous lie you've ever told in order to score?

Larry: I once pretended to be Dom DeLuise's son in order to get close to some high society New York art dealers, promising them roles as extras in Cannonball Run: The Reunion. Their daughter was one of those Harvard types, you know the ones. The whole thing unraveled pretty quickly and I’ve regretted it every since.

TriXie: That's unfair. Who could pass up the Cannonball Run? What do women really want?

Larry: Women want someone who is sensitive, caring, thoughtful—someone who really cares about them as a person, and not just a sex object. All women are bisexual, so taking a girl to a strip bar early in the dating process is a great way to start laying the groundwork for a threesome while letting her know you're comfortable with other naked women being in the same room with you.

TriXie: Um, whatever. What's your advice for gamer guys looking to hook up?

Larry: Gamers, huh? Whoo boy, that's a tough one. They should definitely start by buying my game. I've been a student of my uncle for a long time now, and all the seduction techniques you'll see there are tried, tested, and true. They don't work 100% of the time, but I think you'll agree there's lots of payoff there for those who take the time to master the skills. Look forLeisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude to be released October 5, and thanks to all the wonderful fans for their support. Cheers!

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