Make no mistake about it, Hardcore prefers his Valentines to be the of the flesh-and-blood variety. The kind of girl I can take to dinner, enjoy a good movie with, and who can grab a controller and save my bacon when I'm about to get fragged by General Raam in Gears of War®. But if I somehow woke up inside my Xbox 360™ on February 14, these are the hotties I'd want to seek out and make time with.
Lara Croft: Who can deny the vivacious Ms. Croft the top spot? From her rudimentary polygonal roots, she has teased gamers with her hip-hugging shorts, halter top, and saucy attitude. Being brought to life on the silver screen by Angelina Jolie doesn't hurt her case either.
There's just no need for words.
Kasumi: Videogame beauty has been virtually defined by the good folks at Team Ninja. This is the developer who put real physics behind animated jiggling, after all, and Kasumi may be their most luscious creation to date. Oh, and she's a ninja!
A round of applause for Team Ninja and Itagaki-san.
Ayane: You can't have enough Dead or Alive girls on your list, and the presence of Kasumi's purple-coiffed ninja nemesis on the list increases the chances of a ninja girl catfight. 'Nuff said.
Won't you play volleyball with me?
Joanna Dark: Girls with guns are always sexy, and Rare's flagship Xbox 360™ heroine has got all the tools to keep gamers playing just to spend extra time with their favorite Perfect agent.
She's got a gun and attitude, now there's a combination.
Cortana: Any woman who can keep Master Chief in check is worthy of consideration. If only she could step outside of her virtual reality self.
We can only hope she's okay after Halo 2.
Ms. Pac-Man: Our cutie pie-shaped pellet-gobbling matron needs her due, and I'm more than willing to give it to her. Plus, you have to admire a woman willing to sport a red bow on her head with no hair to speak of.
The gal that started it all.
Kameo: She glides around with wings, can transform into badass elementals, has "I saved the world" under her belt, and my nephew has a crush on her. That's enough for yours truly.
Now there's a glamour shot.
Alyx Vance: Ah, brains, beauty and the moxie to pick up a gun and take some names when she needs to. If only that gravity gun worked on clothes …
Sweet and badass all rolled into one.
Chun Li: No videogame Valentine's list is complete without ol' thunder thighs. Chun Li represents the original videogame crush, and every gamer who shamelessly played through Street Fighter 2 just to get a look at that provocative screenshot at the end knows exactly what I'm talking about.
Still kicking ass after all these years.
Jade: The most underappreciated game of last generation was Beyond Good and Evil from Ubisoft, and beyond some damn fine gameplay, it gave us the intrepid, sexy, and resourceful Jade. Play it, know it, live it, love it!
Oh Jade, where is your sequel my darling?
