eXpert Review

by Sith Lord Jim

Wherever you hear about this game you will hear parallels drawn between it and Star Wars Battlefront. The fact is Pandemic's Lord of the Rings: Conquest is Star Wars Battlefront - the fun + frustration - cool Jedi + Annoying hobbits. Lord of the Rings Conquest is a very average game. It is full of flaws and continual mediocrity from which the Lord of the Rings license alone can not save it. That’s not to say there isn’t some good hidden in there somewhere, but it is to say that I could not discover it.

This is the third time I have reviewed this game now and…. Actually stop! Break it down!

I have played a lot of bad games over the years.

Games that caused pain not eased by beers.

Yet LOTRC is the most average title to cause me pain

I would not be lying to say I dislike this game

I felt my clothes rip, muscles bulge and skin turn green

Pretty soon my window was introduced to the machine.

The setting feels like its straight out of the book

Yes Pandemic really captured that lord of the rings look

Graphically its rather lacking in luster.

Have to wonder is that all the engine could muster.

The cutscenes are bland and so-full

Of voice acting which is quite woeful

You play as one of four classes

All of who spend most time on their asses

Every combo seems to be designed

With knocking you on your quantum singularity in mind

And yet to top it all off

Theres a heck of a lot of cliffs for them to knock you right off

Heroes from the Lotr series are playable

But are just like the classes that are available

Only a little bit buffed up

So still they get equally roughed up

If you some how make it through the game before you tire

You can play as the bad guys and destroy the shire

LOTRC is much like a racist skank

as multiplayer will only satisfy you if you’re a yank.

(I don’t mean that in a derogative way.
I have <3 for you Americans everyday.)

Otherwise the laggy EA servers

May cause you to commit some game related murders

The worst thing about it all

Is that with this concept the game really could’a been a ball.

Instead all we are left with is an annoying button masher

Which may well turn you into a console smasher

The Lord of the Rings license in games could be done so well

Yet at least to me this felt like some sort of bland hell.

I really urge you to not try this.

Let alone shell out cash to buy this

Setting alone is not enough of a hook

And at the risk of sounding like a fool of a Took

Instead save so you can buy halo wars.

Coz frustration and anger is all this will cause

In conclusion reviewing like this is really odd

To Lampir for the challenge I must give a nod

And to those hoping for another title like Battlefront

I say this isn’t it but rather an affront!

Out of ten I give this a four.

Mainly because of how well the setting captures the lore.

 
4/10