Going Live with NHL

Posted by TJ Madigan
July 9th 2009

Losing my Xbox Live virginity was a little bit like losing my actual virginity.  It was awkward, clumsy, and over really, really quickly.

Finally decided to branch out beyond 1 vs. 100 and play some NHL Arcade against my peers today.  Seven unanswered goals in the first period said I wasn't quite ready.

But I realized it isn't so much that I royally suck.  Well, not entirely anyway.  My problem is that I've played against the CPU so many times (trying to get good) that I've figured out the moves to beat the system itself. 

But when faced with an actual person, who didn't pause before checking me hard in the face?  Someone who reacted differently and never cut me a break?  I was screwed.  Totally unprepared for the reality of one-on-one competition.

I did manage to swing a couple of goals in the final seconds -- for an only-slightly-embarrassing 10-2 loss.  But moving onto Xbox Live has opened up a whole new game within the game.   It's like playing for the first time all over again.

One question, though:  Anyone know how to stop my idiot of a goalie from being a glory hound and costing me the game?

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Who ya gonna call?

Posted by TJ Madigan
July 8th 2009

Busting makes me feel good!

Wait, that sounded bad!  Did it sound that way in 1984?  Really?!? 

Well, either way, I am beyond excited.  Quick trip to the dept. of backstory:  I am a lifelong Ghostbusters fan.  I know a lot of people say that, but I can pretty much quote the entire first film.  I have photos from multiple childhood Halloweens of me wearing grey jumpsuits with paper Ghostbuster logos stapled on the sleeves.

Bottom line:  Ghostbusters is my Star Wars. 

So it's taking every ounce of strength to not start playing the new GBs game for the 360.  You see, I'm off to Europe for a few weeks, starting Friday, so I don't want to get really into an event game like this, then bail on it for a while.

The game is basically the unmade third movie in the Ghostbusters series -- with all the original stars doing voice work and Dan Aykroyd and Harold Ramis pitching in with the storyline.

So I'm saving it for when I'm back.  Planning on some marathon sessions where I may not see daylight.

Therefore, keep in mind that I'm a few weeks behind on the Ghostbusters train. 

And whoever spoils, dies.

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First play:  GTA IV

Posted by TJ Madigan
July 6th 2009

I’ll skip the rant about my ISP  – check out the ‘Seven Days’ blog if you want to get caught up.  But since I’ve been unwillingly booted from Xbox Live for the past couple of weeks, I managed to get in some face time with a couple of older games.

I stuck to a one-night play limit for each title.  That way, I can give a genuine first impression of each game from a noob perspective.

First up:  Thoughts on Grand Theft Auto IV.

Heavily recommended by the people I talk to in the Xbox Live community.  And hella worthy of the hype.

GTA IV is visually freaking stunning.  Yes, I'm still in that newbie mode where I underestimate how amazing the graphics can be on the 360.  But, seriously, even if I wasn't so easily impressed, I'd be just as much in love with Liberty City.

I spent a good hour just exploring the neighborhoods and getting a feel for the layout of the streets.  Realistic and gritty;  just how I like it.   Anyone who's spent any time in New York (and loved it) will feel right at home here.

The storyline is surprisingly gripping.  Next time my ISP messes up my connection?  I may just send the Cousins Bellic to sort them out!

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First play:  The Simpsons Game

Posted by TJ Madigan
July 6th 2009


I think I may have mentioned the newbie thing before, once or twice, right?  You know, that bit about being a recently deflowered Xbox virgin.

But I wasn't a total Jonas Brother when it came to video games.  I did manage to tweak a couple of gaming experience out of my console-deprived youth.  One of the best was the night I went over to a friend's place for pre-drinks, but I wound up sitting at the TV all night instead.

The reason?  Simpsons Hit and Run.  Yes, for the original Xbox.

Think Grand Theft Auto, but set in a full size virtual Springfield.  Every character, every location, even full storylines from the Simpsons playing out in the greatest game a Simpsons fan could ever ask for.

And therein lies the problem.

The much newer Simpsons Game for the 360 just couldn't compete.   I mean, I found it fun and entertaining.  How can you go wrong?  The first playable level is set in a mega-trippy Homer dream sequence.

And it has the easiest achievement ever -- just press start to up your gamerscore.

But in my book, the original will always be king.  

Though, a friend told me that if I invest a little bit more time in the newer Simpsons title, there's a huge TV-worthy story arc (loaded with inside jokes) that'll knock my socks off.

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First play:  Smackdown vs. Raw

Posted by TJ Madigan
July 6th 2009


Yes, there's a Royal Rumble mode.  Yes, it's awesome.

But, to be totally honest, I didn’t spend a ton of time exploring the actual gameplay because I had a hard time getting my head around the controls.  The visuals, intro videos, graphics and audio, though?  Killer.

I have a good frame of reference on this one.  One of my first writing gigs was covering WWE stuff for a major market newspaper.  I’ve watched, met and interviewed most of these wrestlers and it was crazy how accurate some of their mannerisms were.

I easily burned through a couple of hours just playing with the entrance sequences and checking out the arena options.  The Raw set looks exactly like the actual TitanTron does in real life.  Kinda blew me away how much detail went into making this game – far more detail than WWE puts into its own product, most of the time.

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The TSN hub

By TJ Madigan
Posted June 24

Been getting some mail from people in the community wanting to read my TSN stuff.  For now, Xbox has been kind enough to archive my recent sports articles on the Xbox Live section of TSN.ca.

Just go to tsn.ca/xbox -- it's all posted under my mug shot on the right hand side, and should update anytime I post a new rant.  The archive will be up there for the next week or so.

For those who just want highlights, here's the direct links to a couple of my favourites.

HELL HATH NO FURY... 
(Why women shouldn't be allowed to ski jump at the Olympics.)
http://www.tsn.ca/story/?id=263885

BEARDS OF THE NHL
(Playoff beards.  They're lame.)
http://www.tsn.ca/story/?id=280986

AVERY DOES DALLAS
(The Stars sucked even more without Sean Avery.)
http://www.tsn.ca/story/?id=260168

AND THE STANLEY CUP GOES TO...
(I predicted.  I was wrong.  But I had my reasons.)
http://www.tsn.ca/story/?id=252166

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Five minutes to figure out a play...

by TJ Madigan
Posted June 11

“Mini goalie!  Eeeeeeeep!”

Makes me smile just thinking about it.  Those magic words mean mean Martin Brodeur is about to shrink down to the size of a Smurf – and I’m about to smash a puck right past his tiny head to score a game-winner.

I already wrote an intro blog about NHL Arcade, but I wanted to do a follow-up.  Since I’m starting to get familiar (but still not good, don't worry) with 3 on 3, I've a couple of things to throw out there.

First of all, this game isn’t intimidating.  Even for a newbie, fresh off the "What's an avatar?" boat.

I know there’s a stigma about sports games.  People think they’re only geared towards hardcore fans of whichever sport they're based on.  Hey, I think that way too.  Like, if Madden ’09 is designed to challenge big-time football fans, it’s probably too elaborate for little old me who needs five minutes to figure out a play.

But NHL Arcade is something anyone can figure out quickly AND be having actual, real-life fun with on the first go-round.  It's kinda like a Mario Kart version of an NHL game.  There's something for fans, there's something for newbies, and the game does a great job of always making it a fair fight.

It has just about the simplest controls of any 360 game I've seen.  But, as you become a 3 on 3 pro-star, you can tweak the settings to add extra functionality for fake shots, elaborate passes, and expert puck timing.

Plus, fighting is not only allowed -- it's encouraged!  The more you beat the crap out of the other team, the more chances you get to morph into a giant and crush their D-line.

And don't even get me started on laser shots.  Too. Freaking. Awesome.

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Spring clean-up

by TJ Madigan
Posted June 11

You guys are doing this, right?  http://www.xbox.com/en-CA/spring/

I'm not allowed to enter these things anymore.  Disqualified, on the grounds of being "staff".

But I'm living vicariously through you guys in the community.  So if you didn't enter the contest for Stanley Cup Finals tickets a few weeks ago, enter this one! 

Zunes, games and 360 consoles all up for grabs?  Weekly draws?  No-brainer.  Get to work on it.

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Seven days without Xbox Live...

by TJ Madigan
Posted June 10

Remember that clever little blurb they used to toss around in church?  Seven days without prayer makes one weak.  (One week. Get it?)

Well, I’ve got a new one for ya.  Seven days without Xbox Live?  It makes me want to donkey kick the tech support reps at my ISP.

The internet at Casa TJ is on the fritz right now.  I live in an older building and the connections just aren’t holding up.  Which means I've spent the entire week bickering with my ISP's repair team in some overseas call centre -- while they pretend they're in Canada.

I particularly love hearing them butcher my first name.  TJ's an easy concept for us North Americans.  But for poorly-trained outsourcees, desperately trying to sound casual and believable in their second language?  The name has a whole world of potential pronunciations.

"And, sir, are you... um.. Tijh Madigan?  Teeg Madigan?  T'juh Madigan?"

"Yeah, this is T'juh.  Now fix my freaking internet, d-bag!"

The good news is they've finally accepted that asking me to release and renew my IP, over and over, isn't going to fix the issue.  So now there's a tech guy coming out to investigate; set to arrive in a tiny appointment window at some ungodly hour of the morning on a weekend.  Yay!

Anyway, that's the reason I haven't been on Xbox Live for a few days.  While I've been offline, I've been getting in some face time with a few new games and racking up the Gamerscore a bit.  Thoughts on GTA IV, Simpsons and Smackdown vs. Raw coming soon.

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TJ on Twitter

by TJ Madigan
Posted June 9

A few people in the community have asked.   And yes, if anyone wants to follow along with my Xbox Live experience in real time, I do the Twitter thing. 

I'm loving the community aspect of the 360 experience, and I figure this can only add to it.

My handle on Twitter is 'irishtj' -- and I'm getting better with updating regularly.  Mandatory parental advisory, though: My Tweeting isn't always as PG-13 as my blogging.   Mild viewer discretion is advised.

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Project Natal

by TJ Madigan
Posted June 9

Two words:  Project Natal.

I’ve been part of the Xbox universe for a cup of coffee, I know.  Barely been eight weeks since I first picked up a 360 controller and thought, “Wait, what’s an RT button?!?”

But Project Natal is the type of thing that even us newbies are going gaga over.  I followed Jade and Jakenbear’s coverage of E3 and I'm buzzing as much as they are.

I know it sounds ridiculous when I say this, given how new I am to the whole Xbox universe.  But, seriously, Project Natal could be the biggest gaming revolution of my lifetime.  

Xbox execs:   Consider this my official notice that I'll write anything, do anything, and/or sleep with whoever it takes to get a demo version of Natal in my living room, stat!

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THE COOLEST GROUP OF PEOPLE ON THE WEB

by TJ Madigan
Posted May 29

Biggest surprise of my 360 journey so far?  How welcoming the Xbox Live community has been.

Before I signed on to write these blogs, the Microsoft staff tried to sell me on the great community vibe in the Xbox universe.  I nodded and smiled, but honestly, I didn't buy it.  Almost every mod on the planet thinks their site is all lollipops and rainbows, even though it's never the case.

I've been a member of enough online cliques to know that group participation is usually limited to attention whores, flame wars and people who'd absolutely humiliate themselves if they were on 'Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?'.

But it turns out the Xbox Live community is just about the coolest group of people on the web.

I'm not just saying this because I write for the site.  My editor made it clear that this page is an unedited blog of my experiences, so if I have anything negative to say, I'm allowed to say it. 

Besides, if any of you guys read my stuff on TSN, you'll know that holding back isn't really my thing.

But, seriously, within days of signing up for my Gold membership, my inbox was full of welcome messages.  Not marriage proposals or anything freaky.  Just genuine "Hey, dude, welcome aboard, holla if you need any advice" type greetings.

Before I even started tapping into my real-world circle of friends, I had a ton of friend requests from people all over Canada and beyond.  People who've actually helped me when I had questions about games, settings, even the etiquette rules on Live.

Shockingly, I've only had one "go kill yourself" message.  And even then, they didn't recommend a method or offer to do it for me.  It was just a suggestion.  How rare is that for an online forum?

So, anyway, to get back to the point:  I know there's no way to say this without sounding like I'm shilling the product.  And I have this huge aversion to cheesiness and sentiment, so I'll keep this short and simple.

Just wanted to post a blog entry to say thanks and kudos to the Xbox Live community for making a newbie like me feel welcome.

End of cheese.  You may now resume kicking each other's asses.

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FIRST PLAY:  TMNT

by TJ Madigan
Posted May 28

When I was 10 or 11, I finally accepted I wasn't going to be a Ghostbuster when I grew up.  The time had come to move on.  I decided I was going to be a Ninja Turtle instead!

Dedicated years of my childhood to studying everything TMNT, so the whole Turtle universe carries a big nostalgia kick for me.  When I discovered the old Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 1989 arcade game on the Xbox Live Arcade?  Yeah, I pretty much soiled myself in excitement.

Back when I was pre-pubescent, I dropped a small fortune into that arcade game.  So the idea of having it on my home console, 24/7, on a bigger screen than I ever saw at any arcade hall?  400 Microsoft points was a no-brainer.

But in the spirit of launching into this brave new Xbox 360 world, I made a different TMNT investment.  Picked up the '07 Ubisoft game, based on the last Turtles movie (which was a killer film, by the way).

Turns out I accidentally stumbled onto the best newbie game, like, ever.

For someone who was having trouble wrapping my head around the 360 controller, TMNT solved the problem.  Tons of opportunities to get used to the button combos with a storyline which adds new controller functionality as the game progresses.

The game is a platform-style fighter, kinda like a dumbed down Prince of Persia.  There's a lot of trial-and-error puzzles embedded in the gameplay:  You need to jump between buildings -- but should you catapult using Donatello's bo staff or swing across using Michelangelo's nunchakus?

I don't know if experienced Xboxers will get the same kick out of it as I did.  The buttons are basic and it's doesn't have the free-roaming vibe of a Grand Theft Auto or Spiderman cityscape.  But for a newbie, it's just about the best training game you can ask for.

The fight sequences are simple enough that just the A, B and Y buttons create variations to wipe out twenty Foot Soldiers in twenty different ways.  And the fight graphics are freaking gorgeous.  Especially when the game puts a Matrix-style slo-mo filter on the fights.

Highly recommended for fellow Xbox virgins and TMNT fans.  And hey, I've apparently started earned my 'ninjascribe' Gamertag because, by the time I unlocked the last Turtle, the game officially bestowed ninja status upon me.

Back to playing NHL Arcade over the weekend, updates coming next week.

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First play:  NHL Arcade 

By TJ Madigan
Posted May 22 2009

If Gary Bettman was a smarter guy, he'd make the real NHL a little bit more like the Xbox Live Arcade version.

If he did, the Phoenix Coyotes wouldn't be closing up shop -- they'd be selling out the building in Glendale.  I mean, who wouldn't pay for a ticket if Matthew Lombardi could drop a giant banana peel to wipe out the defensive line.  Or if Bryzgalov could hulk up into a 12-foot monster and crush anyone in his crease.

NHL 3 on 3 is a hockey game with a twist.  Pick your own all-star team of NHL-ers (Luongo, Iginla and Avery are staples on my squad) and hit the ice, EA style.  

Think NHL '09, but without all those boring real-world rules getting in the way.

I'm not a sports game expert, so I won't get into the functionality of the release.  But as an Xbox newbie, and someone who actually covers the NHL for work, this is the pimpest game I've played on the 360 so far. 

It's easy to get the hang of, the graphics are great, it's addictive as all hell, and there's a crapload of options to mix things up as you move from beginner to expert.

So far, I've stuck with me vs. the CPU.  I'm still at the stage where I mash buttons 90% of the time, with only a few premeditated moves in my repertoire.  But as I develop a feel for the game over the next few days, I'll be getting ready to Xbox Live this puppy.  

So everyone who's been asking about when they'll get to give me an XBL ass kicking?  Get ready to bring it.  3 on 3 NHL Arcade is where it's gonna be at...

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This one's for the newbies

By TJ Madigan
Posted May 21 2009

This one's for the newbies.  Xbox Live pro-stars can probably skip this column and file it under "Duh!  Already got the memo on this stuff.  Thanks, though."

I hooked up my Live connection last week and, as promised, I wanted to talk about a couple of start-up topics with my fellow Xbox virgins.

First off, the set-up is crazy easy.  I was kinda worried that connecting to Xbox Live was going to involve a 2 a.m. screaming match with my ISP's tech support office in whichever third-world country it's based in these days.  "Sir, please, sir, calm down, sir."  Ugh, it chaps me just thinking about it.

But all it took was a single cable to bring my 360 online -- and save me the stress of trying to explain the concept of opening router ports to "Tyler" or "Britney" in Manila.

Obviously, there's a wireless option available for those of you who keep the modem and 360 on opposite sides of the Mancave.  But since the internet and the Xbox are side-by-side in Casa TJ, I just connected with the Ethernet cable (which came free with my Xbox) and voila.

Once you're Live, you go through some pretty standard settings stuff, retrieve (or create) your GamerTag, then move on to building your Avatar. 

The Avatar is basically a 3-D video game version of yourself;  Pick out the haircut, facial shape, body type, etc, then tweak it 'till it looks sorta like what you see in the mirror every morning.  Only less hung over.

In games like 1 vs. 100, you actually play as your Xbox self, which is kinda cool.  

If you allow a bit of creative license, my debut Avatar does look like me.  Maybe a little bit prettier, less rugged, and definitely a couple of years younger.  But it's on the right track.  I even dressed it in an Irish flag t-shirt to stay true to the 'ol roots. 

One confession, though:  I got a bit lazy towards the end and gave myself freaky Coraline eyes.  The other available eye options made me look like a stoner or a drag queen, so I went with the lesser of three evils.

See for yourself in 1 vs. 100 this week.  I'll be the dude with the Coraline eyes, getting all the questions right!

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As soon as I stop mixing up the B and X buttons...

By TJ Madigan
Posted May 12 2009

1 vs. 100 went down last night, and it was hella worth the wait.

I was pretty clear in earlier blogs that I originally bought an Xbox with the intention of playing sports games.  And I'm crazy psyched about getting on board with NHL 3-on-3 -- as soon as I stop mixing up the B and X buttons.   (Which will hopefully this week.  Because if I can't get my head around the controller by then, I think I'm technically a grandpa.  Even though I'm still in my twenties.)

Before last night, I had never actually gone head-to-head with anyone on XBL yet.  Yeah, I've added friends and chatted with a few people in the community, but I hadn't actually stood and faced a challenger like a true ninja!  I just wrote about it, like a true scribe.

But the time had come to get interactive.  I figured I could probably find a game where I'd start off by either battling a single player or joining a party. 

Or I could just grow a pair and go head-on with a hundred of you at once!

Us Canadians get to do the beta test on the new 1 vs. 100 on Xbox Live right now.  And it's killer.  If you haven't seen the game show, there's no point trying to explain it.  Just go on Live and play for yourself.

Couple of things really impressed me, though.  First, I was blown away by how current some of the questions are.  I'm used to trivia material topping out the year the game was published.  Which, even for new release quiz games, means it's six months out of date before you even open the box.

But in 1 vs. 100, I was getting asked about what happened American Idol last week.  Nailed me some right answers on questions about Miss California and 2009 mall cop movies. 

The other thing I loved was that the questions were aimed at Canadians.  Nothing chaps me more than when I'm kicking ass at a trivia game, then I get hit with something like:  Who is the twenty-seventh justice on the U.S. Supreme court? 

Like I'm supposed to freaking know?

So I was big-time impressed that one of the first Q's to be A'd was about a Western CFL team.

Held my own pretty well, in case you're wondering.  Even got to go up against a couple of my new friends from the community. 

The next 1 vs. 100 is Friday night, if anyone wants to join in.  I'll be missing that one, because I'll be at the NLL Championship game -- pretending to be an impartial journalist-type, but really hoping the Roughnecks bring the cup home to Canada!

But look for me on Saturday afternoon if you think you can bring it!

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I am getting zero sleep tonight!

By TJ Madigan
Posted on May 11 2009

I just updated my Twitter again:  Oh my God; Ninja Turtles the Arcade Game!! From 198-freaking-9! I am getting zero sleep tonight!

That's all.

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Three words:  Pac-freaking-Man.

By TJ Madigan
Posted May 11 2009

Question:  How come no one told me about the Arcade? 

Yes, I finally spent some time on Xbox Live tonight.  I'll definitely do a play-by-play of the set-up for my fellow noobs later in the week, but the basic result is that I'm connected.  Connected -- and psyched. 

I think I've used the '13-year old girl at a Jonas Brothers concert' reference before, but I might have to recycle it to describe how wicked excited I am right now.

Why?  Three words:  Pac-freaking-Man. 

Nobody mentioned I could play old school arcade games on XBL!  So after snooping around the dashboard for a few mins, when I saw a couple of the trial versions? I nearly did things in my pants that I can't write about on here.

Yes, Inky and Clyde kicked my ass, early in the first go-round.  But only because I was trying to Twitter about how cool this was at the same time as playing one-handed.

Then, I discovered Street Fighter II was on there.  And the chances of meeting my work deadlines tonight went suddenly downhill... 

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The Xbox controller is mightier than the pen.  

By TJ Madigan
Posted May 8 2009
 

Indiana Jones!

There, I admitted it.  I lost my Xbox virginity to Lego Indiana Jones!

If you read the last two blog entries, you'll understand my plan to spend a bit of time getting familiar with the Xbox controller.  It was the first step of my Operation Anti-Mash strategy.

But of all the games in all the world, why did I decide to give up my goodies to Indy? 

Well, obviously, I'm an Indy fan.  I mean, in my generation, you kinda have to be an Indy fan.  Otherwise they'd take away your 'Child of the '80s' card.

But also, in my interview with the lovely Jade on Xbox.ca, I'd mentioned I was really into the old school platform games back in the day.

So I figured this was a best of both worlds-kinda scenario:  It's the evolution of the platform game, a well-reviewed title, and characters I was childhood friends with.  And for seven hours last night, Indy and I got friendly all over again.

The pen may be mightier than the sword, but it turns out the Xbox controller is mightier than the pen!

Awesome game for newbies, by the way.  Plenty of opportunities to get used to all the buttons; lots of room to roam free and explore at your own pace; and of course, it's wicked-cool playing inside Lego recreations of Temple of Doom movie scenes.

The coolest part comes early in the game, P.S.   If you've done the Indiana Jones ride at Disneyland, you'll know what I'm talking about when it comes rolling down the tunnel towards you.

And, of course, who isn't a fan of playing with whips? 

Um, I mean... Lego.  Who isn't a fan of playing with Lego?

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I'll just play for ten more minutes

By TJ Madigan
Posted May 7 2009

Y'know, I wanted to wait 'till after the NHL Playoffs to start this little Xbox experiment.   But I figured, being a responsible grown-up, I was disciplined enough to keep my priorities in check.
 
Dead. Freaking. Wrong.
 
Last night, with a couple of deadlines looming for the TSN.ca gig, I needed to catch up on some hockey.  You know, watch some highlights, take in some SportsCentre; basically figure out an interesting angle for my next few stories and get them written up.
 
But before I switched over to work mode, I decided to take my new Xbox 360 for a quick test drive.
 
I only really planned on making sure the console turned on okay.  I'd actually unboxed it and plugged it in a couple of days earlier, but decided to hold off on flipping the switch until a new blog was due.
 
(Side note for fellow Xbox virgins:  It's hella easy to set up.  Like, shockingly simple.  The power cord goes into the wall outlet and the video cables go into your TV.  That's it.  Not that I expected it to require a rocket science degree, but I couldn't believe I was all set up and ready to play within two minutes of opening the box!)
 
So, last night, I figured I'd try out a game for 15 minutes -- my Operation Anti-Mash experiment --before I settled into an evening of work.
 
Seven hours later -- with my eyes burning and sunrise creeping through the blinds -- I finally hit 'save' and dragged my ass to bed.  I don't even know how it happened.  I mean, there was definitely a couple of snack breaks in there somewhere.  And for the final three hours, I was operating on that "I'll just play for ten more minutes" justification logic.
 
But somehow, I spent my entire night breaking in my new 360. 
 
Wanna know the crazy thing?  When I got up this morning -- before I called my TSN editor and begged for an extension on a couple of deadlines -- I clocked another hour on it!  
 
Yes, I think this could be the start of a beautiful friendship.
 
What game did I lose my Xbox virginity to?  Big reveal tomorrow.

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Operation Anti-Mash

By TJ Madigan
PostedMay 6 2009

God, there’s a lot of buttons on this thing!

I mean, yes, we all knew I wasn’t going to instantly be able to deliver Xbox Live ass-whuppings.   It’s a big leap from a NES to a 360, and right about now, I'm sure I look like one of those lab chimps who’s been given a rubik's cube. 

When the on-screen prompt tells me to press the LB button, I’m averaging about 15 seconds of awkwardly rotating the controller until I find it.  

But, rather than pigeon-hole myself as one of those guys who just hammers away frantically on random buttons in NHL 3-on-3 – and still takes a major beatdown every time - I came up with a strategy called Operation Anti-Mash. 

Before I even connect an ethernet cable to my 360, there's going to be a self-imposed training program. 

Not really a case of 'practice makes perfect'.   More trying to prevent the inevitable scenario where one of my Xbox Live friends will be yelling:  “The ‘B’ button... No, that's not 'B'...  Yeah, the other one... No, beside that one...  No, just look for something round and red...  Dude, seriously...”

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CONFESSIONS OF AN XBOX VIRGIN: The Gamertag Dilemma

By TJ Madigan
Posted April 27 2009

When I first plugged in my Xbox 360, I had an evil idea.  A wonderful, awful evil idea.

Y'know, I think I even felt my face stretching into that big crooked Grinch smile.

I had officially (and finally) decided on my Xbox Gamertag:  Either 'LittleGirl99' or 'Innocent Orphan Child'.  And when it came to selecting my country of residence, I was going to pick something Third World.

What better way to guilt-trip my Xbox Live opponents into taking it easy on me, right?  I mean, who's going to give a virtual ass-kicking to a nine-year old girl from a poverty-stricken African nation?

But my buzzkill editor vetoed the idea.  Something about journalistic integrity.  He even put the ixnay on my backup sympathy-getting Gamertag, 'MyGrandparentsJustDied'. 

Apparently, we have to be honest and transparent.  Stupid ethics...

So, I guess I'm publicly admitting to being a white European dude, living in Canada.  With a good job in media, despite the recession!  Yeah, I think the sympathy card is officially out the window.

Thing is, I actually put a lot of thought into my Gamertag.  I said this before, but it's like naming your kid or something.  This is an important life event for me; a major rite of passage!

The Xbox Live community came up with some bad-ass suggestions for me on the forums.  My personal favourite was 'Pierre's Monster', suggested by Reclaimer M3GTR.    Also was a huge fan of 'SportsnetSuks' (kudos, Buddha Buddy1) and The Forum Troll's tribute to Leafs fans: 'No Cup Since 67'.

Some ideas, I wasn't so big on.  I put an instant kibosh on any variations of TinyTim.  Thanks, guys, but it kicks up traumatizing childhood memory stuff, from back before I got my growth spurt.   I think I'll pass on anything that might drive me into therapy.

And I went back and forth on whether it was even a good idea to include TSN references (maybe it's a bit douchebaggy to shill your career in your handle) or variations of my first name (majorly uncreative) or whether I wanted to be serious or goofy.

So, I've now dragged this Gamertag thing out for a week.  And as of today, I still haven't made a decision.  It's actually kinda tough to sum yourself up in 15 characters or less.  Hell, I can't even post a Twitter update without running out of space.  It must be a writer thing.

Probably doesn't help that I'm jumping on the Xbox bandwagon late, so a lot of the good Gamertags are taken.  And prolonging it any longer is only gonna make matters worse, right? 

So what we're gonna do is this:  I've complied a list of all the names I like from the Xbox forums, plus a couple I came up with myself and a few my friends suggested.  Then, I subtracted the names that are already taken by other users.  

Today, we are are going to let fate decide. 

90 seconds from now, I'm gonna pin this list to the dartboard in my back yard.  Whatever the dart lands on will be my new identity on Xbox Live.   The decision is final, you will be asked to leave the Tribal Council area immediately.

Here we go...

...aaaand I'm back. First of all -- just to prove how impossible it would be for me to aim the dart to influence the result -- the final tally was twelve.  Seven attempts to make contact with the dartboard with my eyes closed, followed by four failed shots with my eyes open.   Maybe I should have just saved the hassle and called myself 'Throws Like a Girl'.

Shot number 12 was the lucky dart that sealed my fate on Xbox Live.

Boys and girls, you may now refer to me as:  ninjascribe

Do we like it?  Or does fate completely suck, and I should drop the 800 Microsoft points to change it to something else?

Talk to me, people.  Now that I finally have a Gamertag, I can actually talk back!

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I’m rocking a major Christmas morning-kinda vibe.

By TJ Madigan
Posted April 24 2009

With apologies to our Jewish friends, and everyone else who didn’t grow up under the Santa Claus regime;  I know you guys are sick of this reference, but it’s the only description I can think of that nails the emotion:

Today, I’m rocking a major Christmas morning-kinda vibe. 

Why?  Because there’s a freaking Xbox 360 in the middle of my living room.  And I’m giddy at a level I don’t think I’ve reached since I was a 6-year old, wearing He-man pajamas, tearing open reindeer wrapping paper, circa. 1987.

Yes, I’m THAT excited.  No, I’m not exaggerating. 

Seriously, it’s taking every ounce of self-control in my supposedly-mature, twentysomething-year-old body to not rip apart that pretty white box and plug this baby in.  

But I promised we’d unbox the Xbox slowly.  And in real time.  Plus, I have a deadline for TSN tonight, which means I don’t have the option of pulling an all-nighter with my shiny new toy. 

So this is just a quick update to announce that I am now officially an Xbox owner.  And to hit a couple of housekeeping notes.

First of all, a shout-out to the Canadian Xbox Live community for the suggestions for my Gamertag.   It’s kinda a big deal; like picking a name for your kid, right?  I’ll be stuck with this for a long time to come, so I massively appreciate the ideas you’re sending along and posting on the forums. 

And, surprisingly, I haven't invoked any death threats or triggered any flame wars.  Definitely a first for me in an in an online forum.   Means I’m way less scared about inevitably getting my ass kicked at NHL 3-on-3.   And way more excited about inevitably seeing no sunlight for days at a time because of that bundle of fun that's waiting to be opened.

Merci, y’all.

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